I don't get why

things have to be like this.
Out of nowhere everything is going wrong and I feel like I can't control anything.


I'm not used to having a routine where the same shit happens every week.
It bugs the living crap out of me.

I've been having some crazy dreams about Lake Arrowhead(where I grew up) and I really want to go there for a day and visit all the places I used to go.


I'm not going to be able to see my family for Christmas and that tears me up inside. I can't not cry when I think about it because of how sad it makes me.
Yeah, I'll celebrate Christmas with Vincent's family, but it's just not the same. I wish there was a way they could come down and see me.

Vincent and I have been on eachother's asses for no reason, we can't have one good day where we don't argue about SOMETHING. I hate it and I don't know what to do because it seems like he just doesn't try. After thirteen months of being together, he doesn't even trust me. How fucking sad is that? Not to mention whenever his friend(s) are over and we get in a fight, he acts like nothing happened and just carries on without showing any sign of him being upset or ANYTHING. It's sad. I know we are better than this, and I know things will get better but it seems so much harder than usual.
I don't wear this promise ring for no reason. ):


Basically;
I miss my family.
I miss the way things used to be.
I miss going out and being spontaneous.
I miss my Shonda, Lauren, and my old bestfriend.
I miss the simplicity that life used to have.